Guilt
by Limerick
Summary: Haruka thinks back on times where she has failed certain people, and wonders it she will ever get through the guilt. More of summary inside.


Hello, this is another SM fic I felt like writing; let's hope I can actually finish this one unlike the others. sweatdrop Anyway, this takes place shortly after the S season, and Hotaru has grown very rapidly to be about 17. She recently started living with Setsuna, leaving Haruka and Michiru. Haruka is feeling guilty about some things that have happened in the past, and some stuff happens between mainly her and Saturn. This story is written in Haruka's point of view.

Important: Even though I'm using their japanese names and all, Haruka and Michiru ARE ONLY COUSINS. I am well informed that the actual japanese version is different, but I do not care to use it. So there.

Please review, tell me if it's good or if it's snot!

- Guilty -

The enraged screams of Pharoh Nintey rang in my ears as I witnessed Sailor Moon fight for Sailor Saturn's-no- Hotaru's life. Watched as she risked her own life to save the Sailor Scout of Destruction. I would have never thought of such a thing- risking your life for the enemy. But I could have done more than just sit and watch as I didn't know whether my moon princess would live or die. I could have at least tried and save her, even though she survived anyway. But I didn't.

The thing was- I just didn't care, as long as I was safe. I didn't exactly think those words at the moment, but deep down I know it's true. What's worse, I didn't even try to save Michiru, my own cousin, from those deadly bullets in the cathedral when I had only been shot a few times and she endured so many more to try and protect me, ending up in her own death.

I didn't do a thing, just sat and watched. I was safe, wasn't that all that mattered?

Am I really that cold?

I open my eyes to greet the morning sun. Maybe it will lift my crushed spirits if I let a little light flow into these dark thoughts.

Through cracks in the blinds, a bit of the sun's replenishing rays leaked in, striping my blanket-covered body as I lay in bed. How long have I been drifting between sleep and my angst-filled thoughts of painful memories of actions of grave mistakes?

I glance at the clock, which says 9:03. Then I let my eyes settle on the sleeping figure across the room from me.

Her chest gently rises and falls as she breathes deeply the breath of sleep. After all she had done for me, I didn't even try to save her; and it's not like I knew we would get a second go at life. I was actually going to watch my cousin-my best friend die, right there in front of me. Killing myself didn't help the matter.

The image of her delicate body sprawled out on the ground still burns my mind. I was responsible for her ending up like that...

I bury my face in the pillow, guilt overwhelming me. Even though we were brought back, Michiru's blood is on my hands. How have I become so selfish? Was I always like this?

Tears come out of my eyes as the pillow muffles my helpless, self-pitied sobs. Michiru doesn't deserve to have such a loser for a cousin. She deserves a real companion, one that cares about her and not themselves. My sobs increase. I don't know what to do, what to think, what to-

A soft hand on my back stops my breath. I freeze, rigid, my face still in the pillow.

"Haruka?" My cousin's voice- so comforting, so gentle, kind- I need air.

Trying not to make it look like I've practically smothered myself, I slowly turn my head, sideways facing my cousin, my eyes searching far back to meet hers. She looks so concerned, so worried-

"What's wrong?" Her voice is like a soft-spoken lilting melody. Trying not to gasp for air, I take in steady breaths to regulate my lungs. Michiru just waits patiently, as she does for everything. Concerned. For me.

It's too much, I don't deserve this attention, this care centered upon me. I close my eyes and bury my face in my arms on the pillow.

"Hey cuz?"

Her melodic voice- slightly tinged with exhaustion and dazedness of waking from sleep.

Why does she care so much about me? After I failed to save her?

"Yeah." When I spoke the word, it came out like a distressed moan, like I was doomed to some everlasting torture or something. Which was true, concerning my guilt was enough to drive me to insanity. I slightly pulled away from the pillow, but kept my tearstained face hidden from her.

"What's wrong?"

As if I could tell her... she'd probably make up an excuse for me not to feel this way, say something like it's not my fault, or there wasn't anything I could do about the fatal situations.

I failed my princess and my cousin- my best friend, and no one could truthfully argue otherwise.

Well, that's a wrap for now.... I know it kinda ends abruptly and there wasn't really any action in this chapter, but there will be soon, I promise!! (if there IS another chapter, let's see how my reviews go first...)


End file.
